The good thing about being me is that I get repeated examples handed to me, reminding me why certain things are bad for me.

I can't count the number of times I've been told that the name Brian is bad for me.  I have a few friends with that name, and they're great people.  But without fail, every single person named Brian who is a potential romantic interest is BAD news.  I know, I know, Andy reminded me that I keep expecting people to act like I do - honestly.  If you're not interested, just say so, I really won't get offended.  What I will get annoyed by is getting blown off.  If you don't want to go on a second date, don't say that you do and then ignore every communication I send your way.  This last Brian didn't seem like a nincompoop; rather, he seemed kinda fun and sweet.  He said yes to a second date and then fell off the planet.  I sent him an email telling him I'd made other weekend plans and that I'm sure he got busy, but it would have been nice to hear a "no thanks."  I wasn't trying to be an ass, but I really thought that with as strong as his personality seemed, he could have at least let me know he changed his mind.  I'm a big boy - it's ok, really.  He would have been fun to have as a friend, I think, but not now.

I had a HORRIFIC week at work.  Wednesday was the worst day by far, but we're trying to get this fucking book out and everything seemed to happen at once.  I felt like everything I did all day that day just made me look like a complete idiot in front of my boss.  I felt like I made a lot of simple editorial mistakes, but with all the pressure to hurry up and get the book out by the annual meeting (NEXT MONTH), things like that are bound to happen.  I think I have at least a partial solution.  There seems to be a rather cavalier attitude toward deadlines at work, meaning they never even get set until a few days before said deadline.  I hate working like that.  I don't care if the deadlines change every week, I just want the frame of a schedule to work with.  Is it so wrong to want that?  Granted, I was working on journals before where we had a very well-established production schedule (which nobody could read at my last job, and I found that odd), and working with books is a little different.  But saying "We want X book available around Y time" means NOTHING to me if I don't have guesstimates for when things need to go to the indexer and the printer.  I don't want to find out 3 days before it happens.  That's not fair and you won't get my best work out of me.

This didn't make me dislike my job, I still love it.  All it made me do was try and figure out how to make things function better at work.

Oh god, it's snowing outside.  Of course it is.  Why would it snow on the inside, you idiot?

So I recently found out that everyone was right.  I went to the doctor's on Tuesday and found out that I'm not 5'8".  I'm 5'9" - AND A HALF!  Holy shit.  You have no idea how something like this can screw with your self-image.  I think I've been trying to recalibrate it all week.  It was nice to find out I'm in good health, tho.  Abdallah looked at me after checking my heart rate and said "I HATE your training!  Your resting heart rate is 60."  Between that and having a blood pressure of 120/80 mm Hg, apparently I'm doing well.  He said I looked like I lost weight again.  If anything, I GAINED weight since his scale said I was 181 lbs.  Holy shit.  Maybe if I start weighing myself in kilos I'll seem smaller.

I tried running.  As much as I always hated it before, I tried toe-running the other day at the gym.  I alternated walking and running for 2 miles then got on a bike for 4 miles.  I'm pretty  much pain free and I really enjoyed it, too!  I think I may be on to something.  Film at 11.

I really should get my shit together, but it looks SO COLD outside.  At least I get to go tango dancing later.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled web surfing...

I almost want to say that was the year that was wasted, but it would be such a lie.  Many good things happened in 2010.  Emotionally, I was somewhat slightly above "basketcase" but since most of my friends are there, too, it doesn't make much difference.

A whole year - it took me an entire year to get over Robbie.  I got him out of my system by going back to the scene of the crime, as it were.  Going to Stompede again in SF really helped.  It really liberated me.  When I came back, I felt like I could really truly breathe free and clear.  I felt like a whole person again, like Steven.  It was a great feeling, one I'd forgotten.  I don't feel like it was wasted, but I had no idea that someone with so little time spent around me would have such a profound impact on me.  I'm sure part of it is because he lived so far away.  And I'm sure part of it is because it felt taken from me before it should have been.  But I would not trade that experience for anything.  It hurt unbelievably deep and long, and it took excruciating patience to wipe his fingerprints off of my heart, but at the same time, I felt like I'd been woken up and shown something.  He showed me what I really want out of life, the kind of guy I want to settle down with.  I never even knew what I was looking for until then, and in a way, it's made things so much easier.

So, emotionally, I was a disaster.  Months spent crying uncontrollably for seemingly no reason, and without rhyme.  But I'm not a big crier, so maybe I had to do that to rebalance myself somehow?  Who knows.  Another thing is that it really showed me who my friends are.  The ones who look out for me and care about me enough to see if I'm ok.  Not to have them holding my hand every step of the way, but making themselves a constant presence in my life so the crushing loneliness would not take hold.

I've become closer to some friends and farther from others.  The ones I've drifted from finally gave me some peace at NYE.  It made me realize that I don't particularly want them as major parts of my life if this is the way they are.  Lynne pointed out to me that I don't really have that much in common with them except for dance, which is true.  They love to go out and drink, which is not my favorite thing.  I like alcohol, but there are other things in life.  She pointed out that the things I like and am interested in are too far from what they want and like.  She called it fluff, and while fluff is fun, it's not all there is.  So I've decided to let it go - there may be something that I've done to completely piss them off and wind up on the do-not-invite list.  Probably something they've read here, but who knows?  I don't think any of them are interested in it.  She said that while we're dance connected, there wasn't much else we had in common, and that was a good thing.  Not that they're terrible people, but you don't want everything in common with everyone.  So the dancing part with them is fun, but I'll live with the rest.  I will say that one of them deliberately excluded me from his NYE party, which is fine, because there was someone there who I had no interest in being around whatsoever.  I can't deal with the 5-year-old temper tantrums that Jhonmar throws at a moment's notice.  They're too exhausting.  This same person invited himself along to dinner with me and Alan, which I found ironically funny.  What was I going to do, say no?  The only thing that annoyed me is that I wanted to talk just to Alan about stuff in general.  He's a good guy to talk to and lots of fun to hang out with.

Work-wise, this year has been great.  My boss is fantastic, I love the work that I do, and I make a decent living.  I was thinking the other day where I was 10 years ago and that I never thought I'd be at this job, doing this kind of work, making this kind of moolah.  Not that I'm super-wealthy all of a sudden, but I don't actually have to worry about money anymore, and that was another huge burden off my shoulders.  I can pay all my bills, pay down my last bit of debt, and still enjoy myself going out once in a while.  And I'm going to Europe this year if it kills me.  Anyway, so I was thinking 10 years back and realize that I'm light years ahead of most guys I knew in their mid-30s at the time.  

Another thing about my job is the presence of gay people at work. I had no idea what a stressor it was to be the only homo until there were several around me.  There really is strength in numbers.  My last job, if I'd said I was going to be in the parade this summer, everyone would have asked me which one and all this other nonsense.  People at my new job talk about how much fun their kids have at Pride, going to see the parade.  They don't even have to ask.  I feel so much freer than I used to, without even realizing it.  And my commute is so fabulously short, I don't know what to do with all my free time.  :-)

My money situation is manageable.  I've been finding my feet with this new job.  I took half a dozen trips to MD, went to SF, and got a bigger place.  Now I can settle down and pay down my credit card, half of which is due to the fucking chiro appts I was doing.  Which leads me to....

My health is in a much better place.  I feel better, I look better, all for many reasons.  I stopped going to the chiropractor.  It was good for what I needed, but I felt like I had plateaued and I was starting to feel like a cash crop for them.  I know they wanted to help, but at the same time, I felt like there was much more they could have done.  They never helped me put together an outside exercise/stretching program, they never delved to deeply into what I was doing outside of the appts to see if there were lifestyle changes I could make.  Of course, I figured all of these out on my own, which is fine.  But between costing me several grand on my credit card and not going anywhere, I just decided to drop it.  I have to go in some day and tell them I've decided to discontinue chiro care.  It's just not what I need.  The stretching series I came up with for before working out, in addition to working out more intensely has done WONDERS for all my joint problems.  I feel like a new man.  Granted, a slightly more tired one, but a new one nonetheless.


Men - oy, where do I even start?  I was reminded of why I didn't date a whole lot in college.  Everyone was so serious the past year or so - didn't anybody just want to go out and have a good time getting to know each other?  Everything is such a huge deal, it seems.  Nobody can simply sit and enjoy a cup of coffee and some hilarious conversation.  Everyone SAYS they can, but nobody actually does it.  They can't.  They really can't sit still for any length of time, esp if god forbid their phone is not around.  And since I don't know a lot of pop culture, I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to connect with them.  Or any number of problems.  I did meet my friend Mark out of it - we went out a few times and now that we're friends, I'm so happy having him as part of my life.  He's becoming a very good friend.  And I did go out last night with this really cute, really sweet guy.  We'll see what happens.  Aside from his name, he has a lot of promise.  :-)  I know he's read this journal (who knows how far back) and will probably read that, as well.  If I still get a second date out of him, then he wasn't offended...


I don't know how to write about the year ahead because it hasn't happened yet.  I have a feeling that there will be more writing in 2011.  And not just on here.  Not that I have plans to try and get published or anything ridiculous like that, but I've got two ideas "in development."  We'll see what happens.  That's really the best philosophy.  "We'll see what happens."  Who needs expectations?  Ugh.  The only ones I can deal with any more are that I expect to giggle a lot, I expect I'll continue to meet my Martini Wednesday buddies for a mid-week catch-up, and I expect that if I don't get my ass out of the house and get some food real quick, I'm going to be late to meet Masha and Jason.  I can't believe they're leaving me.  How dare they move to LA to pursue career dreams.  What selfish people I'm friends with....

In other news, the gym and Netflix seem to be my new besties, which is fabulous because together they keep me pain-free and out of trouble.  I can't wait for spring (and around here, I mean late May) so I can start riding my bike on the lakeshore again.  It's hands-down my favorite thing to do in Chicago and I can finally be outside more!  Which means I'll spend fewer days exercising inside.  I sound so butch these days.  Not.

This is going to be a short post, mainly because I need to get my ass out of the house.

I feel better than I did last month.  Most of that was because of the amazingly terrible cold I had - nothing like flying home for the holidays with a head cold, let me tell you.  I really wanted to kill myself.

I actually have no interest in talking about the new year, or the old one.  That's too much work and too big a scope for me to deal with at the moment.  Oy, it's just too much work.  Maybe the next post.

I started cooking more again.  I forgot how good I feel when I'm actually doing it.  I've always liked cooking, and sometimes do more or less of it, depending on how busy I am, but I have always, always loved the process of cooking.  I had a little NYE dinner for three other people, and it was awesome.

I've gotten more physically active again, and that always makes me feel better.  I had my first BLAST rehearsal in nearly a month yesterday and I LOVED it.  We got a lot done, and for the waltz, I only have 1 minute of choreography left to put together.  Awesome work, ya big homo!  I've spent more time at the gym again, as well.  I don't expect to be some muscle-bound gym bunny, but my shoulder problems are nearly nonexistent again (and that's without those fucking expensive trips to chiro), and my joints feel better in general.

My year-end review went well.  I don't know why I get so worked up about these things.  Likely, it's a result of my last job, where you were always kept in the dark and everything was a huge secret until the exact moment that things were dealt with.  You never knew how you were doing at work, or what to expect at any given moment.  It was a really horrible way to live.  And that cuntbag who ran our department was the source of a lot of it.  Anyway, my boss is happy with the work I do and enjoys working with me.  That's all that matters at this point.

Speaking of work, it's the best thing to happen to me in years.  I met my friend Courtney at work, and quite frankly, I can't really imagine my life without her right now.  It's been SO long since I had a work buddy, and aside from that, her friendship is the best thing that happened to me in 2010.  Along those lines, my friendship with Karen has continued to develop and we've become closer.  I actually start to feel kinda "neglected" when I don't get to see her on a regular basis.  Not like she's ignoring me, but I just don't feel as normal or balanced if I don't get to see her regularly.  Plus, the evening of hysteria that we had when we went to see Qwest Theater's Blue Nativity has been without parallel recently.  I'm really surprised we didn't get thrown out of the performance because we could NOT stop laughing.  Also, it's a company that does free performances and they pass the hat afterwards.  She was looking for a few bills to toss in and I told her not to worry about it, and donated $20 "in both our names."  Then turned to her and said "Well, we're kind of a couple in every other way, we might as well donate to the things we like as a unit, as well."  She said laughed and agreed, then we walked among the altar area (we were in a church) and I couldn't help but feel like the place should burn down around us since I felt like we were treading where we shouldn't.  It was fabulous.

It'll be interesting when I finally write something about the year in review.  I hate new year's resolutions and talking about years in review and years to come, but I always do it.  Because I need more reasons to piss myself off, right?  Oy to the vey to.  We'll see what happens at the next post.

Have a lovely manana.

The holidays are coming up.  Part of me wishes I weren't going home.  I really like hanging out with my family, but I've been back a LOT this year.  It's exhausting - always seems like a lot of time, money, and effort goes into this.  And I like coming home, but I don't think any of them realize that sometimes I just want to stay home by myself.  I don't get a lot of free weekends, so I try to make the most of them.  I keep fantasizing about spending a long holiday at home, with nothing to do but go thrift store shopping and seeing a lot of movies in the theater.

I can't tell if I'm slipping into another low spot or not.  I don't think so - I think I've just been so worn out having gone from no rehearsals to a boatload of lifting.  I love it, but every once in a while, all I can think is "I am getting too old for this" - but then, I take a nap and everything is better.  I can't help thinking that that just proves my point....

I'm having a small cocktail party at my apartment for my department.  The big holiday party is this coming Friday, and I decided to have it that night.  I think about 15 people are coming over.  It should be a lot of fun because I actually like most of the people in my department.  Of the two people I don't much care for, one is gone and the other doesn't do anything social ever.  Thank goodness.  So of course, I have to get my house in order here.

My friend Pamela from my old job was in town.  She's one of the few people I can stand from that place and she's fabulous.  We went to see Billy Elliot and during one of the songs, I leaned over and said "Did he just say summer's eve?"  I thought we were going to get thrown out for laughing.  A few days later, she came up to Andersonville for Martini Wednesday, where an odd thing happened.  Jonathan got totally wasted and kept trying to get me to tell him who I thought was cute in the bar.  I was just looking for funsies.  Anyway, he said something about bringing them all over one by one and I told him I was just looking and not in a "meeting" kind of mood and besides, none of them were going to be interested in talking to me anyway.  Then he leans over the table and said "You are the cutest guy in this bar and any of them would be idiots not to talk to you."  Ah, the refreshing honesty of the inebriated.  It's always nice when your friends compliment you because they're not trying to get into your pants.  It just kinda threw me for a loop, although it did my ego some serious good.

I gotta hurry up and get to my laundry again.  Rehearsal is in less than 2 hours...

I can't decide if I'm lonely or not.  Now that I've finally got Robbie out of my system, maybe I should just avoid dating for a while?  Which I probably should have in the last year, anyway.  But I go back and forth with not being sure if I'm lonely or if I want to date at all or if I don't want to bother.  Is this what you call a holding pattern?  I guess I just wait until someone comes along to tickle my fancy...  who knows.  That happened several weeks ago, so I feel I must respectfully ask that the next guy who DOES tickle my fancy, would you please be from the Chicagoland area and not a $300 plane ride away.  Thank you.

So a year ago, I had the best week of my life with Robbie in San Francisco.  I really thought going back there was gonna be the end of me - lots of memories flooding back, me spiraling down into a disaster of depression, but it turned out to be another best week of my life for different reasons.

I think I finally healed.  I had a few bad moments, but on the whole I felt amazing.  I had a really good time, I finally let a year's worth of hurt and upset go and I had a fucking amazing time hanging out with new friends, dancing with old ones, and spending time in my favorite city on the planet!

1. Stompede was a success.  The Cowboys had two amazing shows and I got nothing but great feedback.  Jhonmar seems to have gone off the deep end and started stirring things up Friday night right before we went onstage.  I mentioned it to Alan later and he didn't realize it was going on, or rather to the extent that it was.  He wished I'd told him sooner, but there wasn't anything to be done for it.  

2.  I took a clogging class.  It was fucking fabulous.  And an advanced two-step class.  I'm definitely taking more next year.  Also went to Alcatraz Island and did a little shopping.  Had some good alone time, made lots of new friends and caught up with some old ones!

3. Bethe is coming to visit in November!  YAY!  We're gonna catch some homo movies for the Chicago Gay Film Festival.  I'm totally looking forward to that this year.

4. BLAST is already getting started.  The theme is BLAST Falls in Love.  I'm doing a waltz about a love potion gone horribly wrong and a two-step foxtrot about unbearable heartbreak.  And a foxtrot cabaret duet with Sallie to "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" - this is gonna be a fucking fabulous show!

5.  I don't feel so miserably lonely recently.  I really think SF helped with that.  I'd still like some companionship, but I feel less hurried about it.  I think spending time with my good friends the last month or two also really helped.

6.  Work is going well, although we have another deadline looming which is actually worrying me a bit.  Oy.

7.  I better get the fuck out of here.  I have a coffee date with a hilarious guy named Scott.  Only chatted online, but he made me giggle.  That's a good sign.

In other news, I have done almost NOTHING physically active recently.  Oh, except dance my ass off for four days at Stompede.  Never mind...

Here I sit at work - I should be working, but there are a LOT of things I should be doing.  I should be having sex more often.  I should be in better shape.  I really should be further out of my financial hole than I already am.  I should be a lot nicer to people even when they don't deserve it.  But since I'm not doing any of those things, I've decided I won't be working for the moment, either.

1. I'm going speed dating again.  I'm oddly looking forward to it, mainly so I have some stories to tell again.  I didn't meet anyone with serious (or any) potential last time, but I remember I had a LOT of fun.  This time it'll be really low-stress since I know what to expect.  Let the freakshow begin!  The best part of the evening is that Karen will be meeting me afterward for our lesbian pool date.  I'm gonna get my ass kicked because I haven't played pool in YEARS.

2. I saw the worst show ever produced last night with Bitter Kevin.  Do not, under any circumstances, go see "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" the musical.  The writing in the show was only upstaged by the way the lyrics were written.  There were so many horrible lines, sung and unsung - this should have been written by someone with a vocabulary higher than the average 7th-grader.  And the music was horrible.  None of the songs went together, nothing was musically interesting, and the choreography was really piss-poor.  The actors were really trying - you could tell.  Most of them were very good.  There were two semi-main characters that wound up in a romance together and they had all the best lines and interaction.  But the whole cast was obviously working super-hard to breathe some life into a hurrendous play when it should have just been left DNR.

3. I'm going to see my friend Jason in a play tomorrow night.  This one is supposed to be good.  I feel so fucking artsy fartsy I can't stand it.

4. It's beautiful outside.  I really want to go out and play.  Oh well.

5. I have a sneaking suspicion that my zoloft is interfering with my sleep patterns.  I don't know what to do about that.  Not sleeping is not an option.  Nor is living my life riddled with anxiety.

6. I'm going home for a wedding the weekend of the 25th.  It's the daughter of my dad's best friend.  Should be lots of fun, esp since Susie's older sister Gina will be there (she's my age) - last time I saw her she offered me a valium.  I told Courtney this and she said "Is this gonna be a '16 Candles' kind of wedding?"  Fucking hilarious.  Maybe.  Keep your voice down!  We don't want everyone to know she has her period!

7. Several weeks ago I asked a doctor for a few figures for his article about an orthopaedic technique that had been developed by a Russian doctor decades ago for growing new bone (distraction osteogenesis).  I suggested a few photographs/x-rays, maybe some before and after shots showing how it works.  He tells me he has over 1000, what did I want specifically?  I get back to him and he says he never said that and that he never wrote the article.  Then I remind him about it and he asks me what I want again.  Then he asks if I want a photo of the guy who came  up with the technique (like it's a personals ad).  I told him the other one he suggested showing the device used for it would be better.  Then he asked if I wanted some photos of the procedure, maybe some before and after shots.  At least he was nice about it the entire time...

8. I did not make up #7.

In other news, I only have 1.5 hours to go today.  HOORAY FOR WEEKENDS!

And I don't know why I'm doing it now.  But I think I need to update mainly for myself, to remind me that time has been passing, and not in a useless manner.

1. Work has been super-busy.  I got my first project, the Essentials of Musculoskeletal Imaging, Vol 4 out the door and to the printer.  It was a 1300 page book for primary care docs, nurse practitioners, and anybody else who needs reference material on a few hundred common orthopaedic matters.  I feel like I did a pretty good job on it, even tho we were SUPER pressed for time.  Oy to the vey.  My boss and I get along pretty well and I have one super good buddy at work (Courtney, who I heart) and get along well enough with everyone else.  Also, my dept is full of lesbians.  I'm in heaven.  I also typed "lesbinas" at first, and we all know those are lesbian ballerinas.

2. I'm kind of settled in to my new place.  Nothing is really hanging on the walls yet, but I finally feel at home enough to start getting pets.

3. The Cowboys have had an INSANE year.  Lots of internal drama, although we've put on some pretty good shows.  Yesterday, Jhonmar had a diva fit and dragged everybody down with him (he should borrow the Mission Accomplished banner).  I swear, this happens every few months and it doesn't get any less exhausting with the passing of time.  I've borne the brunt of it a few times, so I feel bad for whomever it happens to.  And of course, it has to happen in front of everyone.  I hate temper tantrums - if you're THAT unhappy and/or angry, why do you keep coming back?  Urgh.  There are ways to express yourself (usually privately, or just one-on-one with the person pissing you off) that don't affect everyone else around you.  Anyway, J jumped all over Scott for several reasons, and I actually felt bad for S, who's never been my favorite person.  Right afterward, Alan put everyone in time out and had a few things to say, including standing up for S, which was really nice, but I wish that could have happened for me at some point, too, when I was choreographing.

4. I'm kinda fed up with guys - between getting stood up, and the level of freakery I've had to deal with, I don't know if I'm confused or annoyed.  I thought the point of dating was to get to know each other and have a good time.  Everything seems to be a big deal these days and everyone just wants their baggage dragged all over the place.  I think the internet has destroyed dating.  Even the people I meet in person are full of shit.  And it's not just that - there's an appalling lack of manners and courtesy.  Someone should tell these guys' mothers the way they're acting in public.  Needless to say, dating's kind of a farce.  The only GOOD thing is that I don't have lingering feelings of Robbie clouding everything I do and making me upset all the time.  Well, that only took a year...

5. Greg and I have been hanging out a lot lately.  In fact, I've gotten away from hanging out with the Pussy Posse so much.  Tim runs so hot and cold that I never know what I'm going to get when interacting with him.  Quite frankly, I'd rather just not talk to him to avoid the potential, and frankly frequent, assholiness.  A bunch of stuff has happened this whole year that just made me realize that friendships change - which I'm fine with, it's a lesson that, while hard to learn, I think I learned after I moved to Chicago.  And while nobody is treating me the same way my MD friends did before I even left, I've kinda stopped investing so much time in certain associations - and I feel a lot better about things.  My social circle is quite varied at this point and I'm doing more and different dance things, which I like.  I've also spent a lot of time with Karen this year.  She's consistently been my best date all year long.  It's really difficult to describe in words how much I enjoy her company.  In a different life, we would have made each other very happy.

6. I took a modern class last week that almost killed me.  And it was the happiest I'd been in WEEKS!  I've also discovered Blues Dancing (awesomeness) and will make trips to Fizz and May I Have This Dance before the year is up.

7. I'm both excited about and dreading San Francisco this year.  It should be a fun trip (as always) and I'm looking forward to performing Duelling Banjos at Stompede and taking some fun classes, but I'm not looking forward to memories of last year's trip flooding back.

In other news, I think I'm gonna quit chiro and take my health back into my own hands.  Literally.

I can't tell if I'm getting depressed again or not.  Also, I can't tell if I care.  Which would probably be a good sign.

The BLAST show was the best ever.  Tim and I did a waltz that was a huge hit with the cast.  I never really thought of myself as excellent role model material, but I think that's kinda the role I got thrust into during this show.  It's probably just a combination of being older, having theater experience, blahblahblah - anyway, it's an interesting position to be in.  Of course, after the show I had a HORRIBLE case of post-show letdown.  It took me the better part of a week to shake it.

I'm slowly but surely getting settled in my new apt.  Today, I'm going to take stuff down to the storage unit and clear out some more space in my dining room.  Between getting the last of the extra stuff out of my apartment and giving it a good cleaning, it'll really feel like home, I think.  Then eventually, I can paint, which will be a lot of fun.  I would LOVE to get a bunch of plants.  I don't know how well that's going to work, given my record with plants, but we'll see.

The Cowboys are coming along pretty well.  Alan announced a semi-ultimatum that said people who are not up to snuff will be pulled from shows.  It was a long time coming and I think some of the guys were getting frustrated.  There are a few guys who are going to get yanked from some stuff and one or two who are going to get yanked from everything.  They just are without a clue.  And it'll be a relief to those of us who are busting our asses to put on a good show.  Yes, it's a social and fun group, but I hate the thought of being in a performance with someone who obviously has no idea what's going on.  That's the way the world of performance works - if you're not up to snuff, you're not allowed onstage.  It may not seem "fair" on the outside for people to whom this applies, but it's even less fair to those who have earned the right to show off their stuff and be good at it.

I'm relatively pain-free and have been for a while.  It's really nice.  Leaving the RSNA and getting rid of that INSANE commute did wonders for me.  Plus, a good course of treatment at the chiropractor, and a few sessions with Scott, my massage therapist, and a few other things have really helped.  I've been throwing myself back into a physical routine like crazy.  I was going all-out with BLAST and now that it's over, I've been biking a lot, trying to get my ass to the gym more often and eating really really well.  I've even started dancing at Charlie's again.  It was time, really.  Between the Cowboys, going to Charlie's, the gym and my bike rides, I've gotten to do something physical almost every day the last two weeks and it feels really good.

I think today will entail a little grocery shopping and a trip to the Brown Elephant.  Just because I can!  I just have to remember not to get TOO distracted from my chores today.  HP has a cello concert tonight (which are a lot of fun) and then Daniel, one of my waltzers from last year, is having a party.  Ah, the bane of being popular.  Jealous?  Dare to dream, bitches!

I don't know about this dating thing.  It got really weird again lately.  I found myself starting to buy some guy's particular brand of bullshit again, but at least I recognized it early on.  The fact that he stood me up twice (the second time he never even mentioned it happening) really did it for me, tho.  I don't care how much fun you are, I don't have time for someone who's that selfish.

And on a final note, last night I went out to a party for Tatyana, one of the BLAST kids.  It was her 21st bday and I have to say I had a really good time.  Then I went to Charlie's for a short while and a few of the guys decided to go to Marty's for a nightcap.  I gave HP a ride home and of course, he rolled the window and kept yelling "pussy!" out the window at people on the sidewalk.  I was laughing so hard that I had a tummyache by the time we got to Marty's, esp when we realized most people were going to think "Oh great, a bunch of idiots in college with nothing else to do."  The best was when I pointed out to him on the way home that when he yells it out the window, it's the butchest he ever sounds.  How's that for irony?